Here in America I am going through some things. Not to worry, the fix is in. But I thought it might be a good lesson for you to keep in that KGB brain of yours. Do you remember how your idol Joseph Stalin had show trials. The defendants were convicted before the trials ever started. We have a different system at the moment. My trial is fixed so that I will be found innocent before the trial ever starts.
We both know that you control the biggest kleptocracy ever created. How I envy you. But imagine if some hot headed pencil necked prosecutor tried to bring you down. The Russian system always convicts. We have a better way.
We got the idea from a bunch of Republican state attorneys general. They filed a lawsuit to abolish Obamacare. The lawsuit was filed in Wichita Falls Texas. Wichita Falls is the 38th most populous city in Texas. The Wichita Falls federal court has exactly one judge, Reed O'Conner. He is a right wing buddy of John Cornyn and is high on my list for Court Of Appeals appointments. So the lawsuit gets filed and is joined by 20 Republican attorneys general who would not be able to find Wichita Falls using GPS. They never have to set foot in Wichita Falls. They merely sit back and let O'Connor throw out Obamacare. So the fix was in. Isn't this legal system great?
Now a crazy lady named Pelosi and her flunky named Shifty have started impeachment proceedings against me. They had hearings in Congress. I screamed and yelled that there was no due process. Of course that's a lie, but who cares. I claimed that I could not call witnesses even though I refused to let any of my people testify. I claimed that there was no evidence even though I refused to turn over thousands of documents Shifty had subpoenaed. I claimed that they wouldn't let me participate even though they invited my lawyer to participate. Please take note- this is most important. If I tell the same lie over and over, my MAGA supporters will not only believe it, they will embrace it. They think that it is a communist plot to call me a liar.
Now the impeachment goes to the Senate. My buddy Moscow Mitch runs that place. He has already announced that he is working in close cooperation with me. He is trying to figure out whether to have a trial, or if he does, whether there will be any witnesses. I will get back to him on that question. His right hand man Lindsay Graham has already announced his verdict. Moscow and Lindsay will violate an oath at the start of the trial which requires them to be fair and impartial. Oath, shmoath, I have them in my pocket. I gave Moscow Mitch's wife a high profile job which helps her increase her family fortune. Lindsay gets to ride on Air Force One all the time and then I give him reduced rates for golf. The rest of the Republicans in the Senate are so frightened of being at the wrong end of a tweet storm that they will never vote against me. I have MAGA operatives ready to demonstrate against them in their home states.
I am going to come out of this impeachment hoax smelling like a rose. I have already ordered millions of shirts saying either "impeach Pelosi" or "impeach Schiff". The ships are on their way here from China. Some so called ethics experts claim I should not make a profit on the shirts. No problem. The importer is owned by my worthless sons.
Vlad we have been able to get your invasion of Ukraine to be considered an attempt by Ukraine to interfere in American elections. How can people be so dumb. Vlad, life is good whether in Russia or America. Let's get together at that beautiful resort I am building in Russian Crimea. By the way I could use some Russian financing. I'm a little short of cash since I am on a limited salary. Take care my little Bolshevik
Your pal Donnie.